Holiday Romance
“Is your
rage putting you in danger?” Ria read. These words echoed in her mind, if only
she had read this article a month ago, everything would be so different. Her
tragic experience would never have happened. Last month, on an exciting trip
with her mates, a time to relax and not think about the other stresses in her
life, she never thought it could turn into the holiday from hell.
Zack was
the boy of her dreams, he had blond hair as bright as the sun, blue eyes, that
type of blue where you could just get lost in them. From the first moment she
saw him she knew something would happen between the two of them. They had so
much in common: loved the same type of music, both enjoyed playing sports, they
were just perfect for each other; it was fate that they met! Zack was just the
perfect boy for Ria.......A great holiday romance, just beginning.
A big
group of them would meet at the beach during the day; Ria and her friends, and
Zack and his group would lay on the beach and sunbath or go and do some water
sports; this was the holiday of a lifetime. At the end of the day, the girls
would go and get ready and they would all meet up at ‘Le Rumba’ – the bar they
had deemed theirs for the time being. There Ria and Zack would see no one else
in the world, when she was in his arms, she felt nothing else mattered;
although she had only known him a couple of days, she trusted him and lusted
after him when he wasn’t there. Although Ria always had the feeling that she
was being watched, she shared her concern with Zack, but he told her she was
being silly. But she still had a strange feeling in the back of her mind.
Before
Ria knew it, the end of the holiday had sprung upon them, they had been having
such a good time together they had never thought about the fact that, the two
of them were going to go their separate ways. It was a scary thought but Ria
thought she would make the best of the night and not to let it get in their
way. The girls dressed up in their best clothes and did their make up,
determined to make it the best end to a brilliant holiday. Ria thought tonight
was going to be excellent, something she would never forget..........but for
all the wrong reasons.
Ria and
the girls got down to ‘Le Rumba’ at about eight o’clock, just for when everyone
else was going to meet. Zack and Ria greeted with a hug and kiss.
“Alright
babe, how are you?” Zack had asked; being in his arms just felt right. “Yeh,
I’m good thanks, lets get the drinks in” Ria had replied. After two rounds of
drinks, Ria had noticed someone staring at her: Matt; he had been quiet and
reserved but now she realised he has always made a special effort to talk and
make her happy. But she just smiled nervously, brushed off his looks and
carried on chatting to Zack. When Ria thought about going home it brought tears
to her eyes, she didn’t want to leave the paradise that she and the others had
created, Ria wanted to stay forever.
She
decided to give her parents a ring, just to confirm with them her flight times,
the time she would leave the fantasy island. Ria knew her and Zack would see
each other after the holiday, they had each others numbers and knew where they
lived, but it just wouldn’t be the same, she didn’t want to leave.
After the
phone call, walking back towards the bar, looking out for that gorgeous face
waiting for her to come back, she saw that face but he certainly wasn’t looking
out for Ria. He was too busy kissing her best mate, Mair. Ria was confused.
What was going on? She was enraged. How could they do this? Ria was
uncontrollable with anger; she had never felt so hurt before. She stormed over
and without even thinking, slapped Mair. She pulled Zack over to the side of
the bar to find out what was going on. He claimed it was all just a big mistake,
it hadn’t meant anything.
Ria was
furious; how could they have done this to her? She knew it was only a holiday
romance but she did feel a lot for him, and Mair knew that. She wanted to go
home; this had completely ruined the holiday. What had she done to deserve
this? Ria was livid, she didn’t know what else to do but cry, but she wasn’t
going to let anyone else see. She just walked away heading back towards the
hotel...or so she thought.
It was
late, pitch black, the stillness of the street was ominous, and something
didn’t feel right, as if somebody was watching her, the same feeling from
before but a lot stronger. Ria carried on walking, not knowing where she was
going, the adrenaline just taking her, hoping soon she would recognise her
surroundings. Her heels were the only noise breaking the eerie silence of the
night. Ria was all dressed with no where to go; she wanted someone with her
something certainly didn’t feel right.
The black
of the night was mystifying. Ria’s paradise didn’t seem the same, no longer was
it inviting and colourful but black, dull and so awful. Why was there no one
there with her; of all her mates she had with her and all the people she had
met.
Suddenly
it wasn’t only her heels splitting the silence; another set of footsteps were
fast approaching. Ria was wary of turning around, hoping it was one of her
friends, scared that it wasn’t. She knew she had to look otherwise she would
panic. Ria slowly turned around and with a gasp of breath, she saw Matt. Why
wasn’t she pleased to see him? Surely he was going to help her?
“Are you
ok?” he asked leeringly, “I saw what happened back there”
“Yes, I’m fine” Ria knew he would tell in her
voice that it wasn’t, she felt uncomfortable with the situation she was in.
“Do you
want to come back to my hotel?” Matt asked. “You look like you’ve been crying.”
“No I’m
ok thanks” Ria snapped back and with this she started to walk away, back
towards the bar, being with Zack wouldn’t be as bad as this.
“Where
are you going?” Matt shouted, grabbing her arm. “LET GO OF ME” Ria screamed.
Before
Ria knew it his hand was over her mouth, her voice was paralysed, and she
couldn’t call for help, what was Matt doing? He carried her round the corner,
where he released her.
“How
about we have our own little party here, Hun?”
“No
thanks, I’ve got to get back, I only told Zack I was going for a little walk to
cool down” A blatant lie but she was hoping Matt wouldn’t now this. She was
feeling very uncomfortable about what was going on.
“Stay for
a bit!” Matt ordered, he pushed her to sit down on the wall. Ria was quiet. She
didn’t know what to do or say. Her whole body was still. She thought any
movement would anger him anymore.
“Come on
babe, I know you like me, I saw the looks and the smiles” Matt said.
“I...I...was
just trying to be friendly” Ria stuttered, a friendly smile had got her into
this.
“Don’t
you want to be with me then?” Matt questioned.
“I’m with
Zack” she replied, she didn’t know whether she was anymore but she didn’t want
to look available.
“I saw
you two arguing, you aren’t together anymore, so you and me can get together.”
And with that, he pinched her backside.
“Get off
me!”
“O you
know you like it, don’t tease me.” He tried to kiss her and as she pulled away,
he grabbed her so she couldn’t. What was going on? She wasn’t kissing back so
how could he enjoy it, and she was trying to imagine how nice it would be to be
in Zack’s arms again, why had she ruined it? Ria was petrified, if he could
force her to kiss him, what else could he do, she felt helpless. Ria’s mind
didn’t seem to be in her body, she wouldn’t accept this normally, and with that
thought Matt’s hands had risen up to her chest, unbuttoning her top. Someone
help here!
And
before she knew it...
“GET OFF
HER!” a familiar voice, but whose; she opened her eyes to see Zack, standing
over the knocked out Matt on the floor.
“ZACK!”
Ria screamed, she fell into his arms and cried.
And now
sitting here reading the magazine article, her rage did put her in danger, she
had been such a fool and got herself in a situation she couldn’t get out off,
if Zack hadn’t been there that evening, who knows what could have happened. But
it was unquestionably a holiday that she will never forget.
Commentary
This student organises her third person
narrative quite carefully and the content retains the reader’s interest. The
situation is well established in the opening paragraphs and characterisation is
developed. The central relationship is reasonably convincing and the narrative
has some pace. Details are generally well chosen and appropriate. Technically
it is fairly competent though comma splicing also slightly weakens the overall
effect. Direct speech is well-handled and sounds authentic although the
punctuation is sometimes faulty. The spelling is mostly correct though the
range of vocabulary is relatively limited and on occasion there are agreement
errors. Both Content and Organisation and SSPS are worthy of a mark in the
respective Band 3s, giving the piece a total of 13.
